Are We Nearly There Yet?

And the answer to that is 'Yes we nearly are!' In fact, had it not been for the Christmas Maddess that descends every year, we probably would be finished by now. Incredible! A Miracle - but then again it is THAT time of year!

Before we start though, the thought for the day is 'Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift'.  Perhaps we should remember that more. I certainly intend to try. Our song for the day? How could it not be 'I Believe in Father Christmas'.  My all time favourite Christmas song. Greg Lake in case you're wondering.

Now this is just a mini-blog, as I'm VERY busy, you understand. Doing all that Christmassy stuff.  I've done my shopping, wrapped that that needs wrapping, posted everything that needs posting.  Those who didn't receive either a card or my customary missive have either been severely lacking in the communication department, or I just feel enough is enough, and so you have been struck. If you really want my missive, I'll perhaps put it up on this later. I've done the decorations, fetched the turkey and made the puddings. In fact Thom and I have spent the afternoon injecting profiteroles (yes I did make them myself -choux pastry is very easy), the chocolate marquise is ready - nearly didn't get one this year, boudoir biscuits are difficult to track down and a pain to make! So that's VERY busy for those of you who wonder!  Esmerelda (the pet turkey) is still in hiding, but we expect to see her on Thursday.

So back to the house. We are nearly there. The carpets go down on 9th Jan, then it's dressing and on the market. Hurrah!  I still have to finish the front room, and paint the big porch.  But it's always the last few miles which seem the longest isn't it?  Meanwhile, here's the outside

Looks a lot better doesn't it? When we're done, I'll do a 'Spot the Difference' competition for you!  So that's your taster for how the inside will have changed!  Can you bear the anticipation? Well you'll just have to!

So what else is new? We have a new stove at home, so now the lounge is actually usable at this time of year. Not that it's that cold just now, but gone are the days of not being able to watch the telly because the breath in front of your face obscures the view!  And the chimney draws properly now, so no more smelling like a bonfire either. Only taken 15 years to sort out!  Lovely and toasty now though! Still not quite enough to relinquish my blanket however!

All the boys are home now, so it's lovely to see them, catch-up on all their news. Remember quite how noisy 3 boys can be, no matter how old they are. The petrol pixie has been a frequent visitor since Joe has returned, and I am relegated to the Land Rover.  Full winter gear is required when driving.  Heaters are obviously a modern invention.  The head chappie came to see Joe yesterday.  He was trying to find out if, indeed, anything goes on inside Joes' head.  I think he'll be looking for quite a while, and then be sadly disappointed.  A story we're all familiar with, eh girls?!

So this time of year is about friends and family, and we had a lovely evening with Deb and Shaun last night.  All of Debs family were there, although Dawn seemed to be more jet-lagged, having just flown down from Aberdeen, than Derek was, having just flown in from Malaysia.  Ah, the trials and tribulations of international travel!  Fab evening though, we even played a game and Dawns inspired miming ensured victory for us girls!  I only had one weepy moment, my first in a while so we are getting there, just in more ways than one!  Anita and I are all set for our international adventure.  I don't think jet lag will be an issue, at least on the way out.  I think it may be a different issue on the way back!  Let's hope the snow is good, we're looking forward to the champagne reception. Not sure about the rest of it though!  Hoping for good apres!

But enough! This is a mini-blog!  So here's wishing you all a fantastic Christmas, enjoy the company, make the most of those that you are with and the time you are with them. Shall we have a bit of Noddy to play us out? or would you prefer a bit of Pharrel?  Which ever, or what ever  HAVE FUN! Live, Love, Laugh. x

HAPPY CHRISTMAS TO YOU ALL!

Today I Saw the Last Butterfly of Summer ....

So here we are again, this is getting to be a habit! But don't despair, it is very nearly over, I can feel it in my bones.  So our thought for the day is 'To achieve great things, two things are needed: a plan, and not quite enough time.'  Well we started out at a disadvantage, in so much as we only had a plot rather than a plan. But perhaps a plot is merely a plan without enough time put into it! We definitely don't have enough time though, I want the whole project finished by Christmas.  Yes, I have seen flying pigs.  There's a whole herd of them living just down the road.  Our song for the day is 'The Games People Play' or 'Love Thy Will Be Done'. Take your pick.

So what have I been up to for the past couple of weeks? Well, let me see, it's all a bit of a blur, Chris, Debs friend came to help clear the garden.  So most of the hardcore has gone. Then I was gaily painting the kitchen walls one day when a rather nice young man knocked at the door. I was quite surprised, as I had never seen him before in my life.  Anyway, when I had recovered myself, he offered to take away some of the other rubbish and the cooker. After a moments' incredulity, I said yes, and him and his mate made very short work of shifting a lot of stuff.  I'm sure he only knocked to make sure that no one was in before he nicked it, but he was very pleasant and it's another job done! Deb and Chris have finished off the rest today.

We're still waiting for Chris the plumber to come and finish, but apart from that the upstairs is finished. Hurrah!  The walls that were challenged in the smoothness department have become feature walls.  Do you like my choice of paper?

I chose it mainly because it's called 'Follow Your Dreams', which of course is what I endeavouring to do.  Only one or two obstacles in my way, but time and economics should sort those.   For the other I feel a burst of esotericism (is that a real word? This computer doesn't think so!) coming on.  So watch this space.  Of course I will be ably assisted by Anita, so that could mean anything might happen!  Our holiday, sorry that should be CPD course is booked. Fear and trepidation are setting in, it could possibly be the most stupid thing I have done to date. And that takes some doing. But as we all know 'Fear, like love, is difficult to explain after it has subsided, probably because it draws away the veils of illusion as it disappears'. Good, eh? Got millions of them. That's the draw back of reading anything and everything and having a good memory!

So back to the task in hand!  So all we are waiting for to finish upstairs is the sink and the carpet. Fabulous!  So to the kitchen.  We painted it last week, we've bought the kitchen, it's been painted, and  Darren and Zak have started to fit it.  What do you think?

We think it's starting to look really good. Amazing what can be done with a tatty £500 kitchen!  Apparently it wasn't as straight forward as it could have been, but it's really starting to take shape.  Sense of deja-vu anyone? Lot of it about on this project. Best be careful!  I'll touch up the kitchen this week and give the units a top coat, then that's finished too!  Stripping the black paint off the floor tiles is proving a bit of a challenge however, I think I've tried every type of stripper known to man (no, not a double-entendre at all), and some that are less well known, all to no avail.  I think it may remain black!

Really the only room that hasn't been touched is the living room. Hopefully that will be a breeze!

Having had weeks of dry weather, I decided it was a good idea to paint the  back step.  Only to have the heavens open. So far I've tried three times to paint it. Each time the paint has washed off before it was dry. I'm going to construct a tent before I try again.  The new porch is up and just needs painting. So the excitement is mounting, a crescendo is beginning, how will we contain ourselves?!

As a slight aside, I was walking through the town centre, in search of vital supplies (that'd be a Dime bar), when this woman came up to me and asked if I drank alcohol. I wasn't really sure how to take that, did she think I was drunk? I almost said that it was just the way I walked!, or did she want my help in finding someone fitting that description?  Confused you will be!  As it turned out they were conducting some form of Market Research. I didn't help. Sorry!

So, I don't think I've got any other interesting (or otherwise) anecdotes  for you today.  It's the onset of winter I think. It's definitely getting close to Christmas, I've lit the stove at home, I've written my Christmas missive (if you want me to add it to this blog let me know!). I've thought about buying presents, and Emerelda - the pet turkey - has gone into hiding.  But I did see the last butterfly of summer today, and as I let it go it flew away with all my hopes and dreams and good wishes for you all. I hope they reach you by Christmas.....

The Road is Long ...

So here we are again, after another short interlude. I have been trying to collect myself, rationalise my thoughts, marshal my courage, amongst many other things, shall we say? Our thought or should I say thoughts for the day are 'When a person can no longer laugh at himself, it is time for others to laugh at him' and 'Isn't it nice to think that tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it yet?'  Those two thoughts have fortified me over the past few days following our rather unusual edition of 'Beat My Build'.   Anyone any comments? I was a bit perplexed.  I do feel, however, that prolonged close-ups require their air-brushing techniques to be improved, at very least, and are probably strictly unnecessary in any event!  Still, we did win.  I don't think my spatial awareness is at all at fault, it's the old 6 inches/ 2 inches conundrum that men seem to face on a daily basis that caused the confusion!  Any tactfulness that may have been evident, or otherwise, on my behalf, was entirely down to some radical editing.  I had quite a lot more to say!

But Hey Ho! back to the current project. I have been painting, painting and more painting. Interspersed with a bit of filling and sanding for light relief.  I try to do at least one inside job a day, and one outside.  I have only one window left to paint outside, and the porches of course. I have finished the front bedroom, all we need is the carpet in there.  Isn't the fireplace lovely?  Sense of deja vu (as my Maths master used to say, whilst banging on the board with his rubber, beneath a proof of something I was really sure I'd never seen before in my life! No euphemisms involved) with the mirror and light fitting, anyone?  So the door to that room is shut, and I've moved on.

I've painted the ceiling of the landing and stairs, no mean feat for someone of my stature, but only involved limited acrobatics!  I am, however, contemplating a feature wall.  The only wall that we didn't have plastered is somewhat rubbish in the smoothness department.  I will see what my filling and sanding skills can offer next week before resorting to the (same) cityscape paper as before.  Imaginative aren't I? Still, if it worked once, it may work again!

The bathroom continues to frustrate.  Chris and I have constructed a cupboard around the boiler, or should I say, recommissioned the old cupboard following some cosmetic surgery?  Then we moved on to the challenge of the shower enclosure. And boy! what a challenge that was!  Shall we say the instructions were somewhat limited, and clearly translated from another language with little regard for actual English.  I thought Chris was going to be reduced to tears at one point.  I was fairly close myself most of the time, but it had little to do with the shower enclosure!  But we prevailed!  Persistence overcomes resistance and all that crap! But you will have to wait until next time for an actual photo as I was so overcome with relief that I forgot to take one for you.  The moral of the tale, however, is never to buy a quadrant cubicle. When constructed it closely resembles something that should beam-you-up-Scotty.  If only there were sound effects too! The other Chris will finish the plumbing in there next Saturday, then that's another room finished. Hurrah!

We've at last managed to buy a kitchen, and I have painted it. Both the units and the kitchen itself, Deb did a great job on the walls. So Darren is also coming back on Saturday to finish the electrics and fit the units. I'll be busy that day, won't I girls? Tea and coffee all round!  Such a skill!  I also have to fit in going to work that day as well!  I'll take a photo of that for you (the kitchen that is. Work isn't interesting enough to warrant one, although Kelly and I do our best to have a laugh, and make a bit of money.). Such a lot to look forward to.  How will you contain yourselves??!!

A lot of the rubble is now gone from the garden, thanks to (yet another) Chris and Connor, so I will have to contemplate that soon. Let's hope the mild weather holds!

What else have I to tell you? Oh yes! I was watching X Factor (I know, I'm ashamed to admit it, but there we are) and I was very surprised to learn of an alternative use for suspenders!  Apparently they can be used for holding your kilts up, lads!  I was under the impression that braces were more suitable, but I stand corrected.  Either way, I am VERY partial to a man in a kilt.  Of course, it rather depends on which man it is in the kilt! So glad I shared that aren't you!

I also read a very interesting article on what makes us human.  As many of you know, I'm not sure that I am, in fact, from this planet.  I spend most of my time feeling that I must have been really bad somewhere else and have been beamed down here as punishment for doing something really terrible. What, I'm not sure. I just know it must have been really bad for punishment this great.  Perhaps that's what the shower cubicle is for!  My punishment must be nearly over, I will be departing soon.  No need to cheer quite so loudly!  Anyway, the interesting thing was that doing silly things for no apparent reason other than fun, playing in effect, is what makes us human.  Perhaps I'm closer to humanity than I thought!  So with this in mind, Anita (yes, we had another CET thing this week, which was more interesting than the last, and the fish and chip supper was great. No wine was involved. Relief all round!) and I have hatched a plan.  We're going holiday, but we're doing it under the guise of yet another CET, sorry this ones a CPD, event.  I don't think we've any intention of actually doing any CPD, but we're looking forward to the apres!  God alone knows what will happen, and I'm fairly sure we can keep even Him guessing!  Don't watch this space too closely!  What a jolly good use of that prize money, don't you think?!

So I don't think there's much else to tell you today, other than one of my peacocks has died. So if any of you has one looking for a good home, or have one in the mood for romance, please let me know.  Lucy (the one that's still with us) is getting a bit lonely. Join the club.

Our song for the day (ah-ha, thought I'd forgotten didn't you?),  Nell Bryden 'What Does it Take', because I have no idea how to re-establish communication, much as I would like to.  Anyone know if you can use the words 'implacable' and 'disingenuous' in the same sentence without giving offence?

Is that a Light I See Before Me?

So here we are again, after a short interlude. I seem to have been very busy for the past couple of weeks, but not really getting very much done!  Still, before we commence our thought for the day is 'Be who you are and say what you feel. Because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind'. Not sure who came up with that one, but it's very true for me.  Although I have to say to my cost, openness and honesty have not stood me in very good stead this year. I rather feel that I should have chosen a different set of rules, but I'm hopeless with them as well!  So our song for the day?  Oooh, difficult choice today 'Go Gentle'  maybe, not really cheery enough, 'Holes'? possibly, 'Magnetise'? could be.  I think I'm just going to pick......., hmmmm....., to pick..... (just texting Joe to find out what it's called and who it's by, hang on... any second we'll know .. ) ready? Ellie Goulding 'How long will I love you'.  Actually I think I might change my mind. I think I'll have 'Wings' Little Mix, or maybe 'Riptide'.  Very undecided today, haven't considered all the possibilities yet. Will get back to you on that one. Take you're pick in the mean time!

Anyway, it has been brought to my attention that this blog has wandered away from it's primary mission. I will endeavour to rectify that today by talking to you about sawing.  That's saWing with a 'W', as opposed to sawRing with an 'R' in it. My pronunciation was corrected by someone whose accent I found a little tricky to understand (that will account for my huge misjudgement), and for whom English was his second language. Bit of a cheek! Never mind, back to the sawing (with or without the 'R').

Now, when I require a piece of wood of a certain length and I am faced with a piece of a different, but longer length, I find that measuring and marking the required length is the first step. Then I select a saw (it doesn't have an 'R'). It could be any saw, but most likely it will be the first one that comes to hand. Unless it's a hack saw. Or a mitre saw. Or one with a PPI of more than 8. See you're impressed now with my extensive knowledge of saws.  That is the extent though. There is no more where that came from!  So having selected said saw, I place my misproportioned bit of wood on a stable surface, put my foot on it, or if necessary kneel on it (as if in penitence), position my saw and saw merrily away until I am left with a bit of roughly the desired proportions. There is sometimes some rather heated language to accompany this operation, sometimes I even have to remove some clothing.  But I do usually end up with a satisfactory out come.

This, apparently, is not enough. There is a required technique. A strategy even. (Not dissimilar to the 'strategy' required to play cricket. Wallop the ball as hard as you can and run as if someone undesirable is chasing you, sums up my strategy in this case. Apparently that's not right either, it's a whole lot more subtle than that. Maybe that's why we lose so often. A rethink maybe required).  But I digress, back to the sawing. Seemingly, after having measured everything twice, marked the wood once and checked that everything is the right way round (?), we can begin.  Having placed the wood on a suitable workbench, we introduce the saw to the wood with a gentle rasp (have they tried internet dating I hear you ask!), then we hold the saw as if it were a child.  Firmly enough to guide it, but not firmly enough to cause it to fight against you. Then it glides though the wood, like a knife through butter. Of course you have to be careful not to lay it over (back to the internet dating then!). The outcome? A bit of roughly the right proportions. Anybody else feel that some people have too much time on their hands?

So,  if any of you would like to help me 'repurpose' a cupboard - considerable sawing skills required - let me know. My skills are not up to standard.  I pay a very good day rate, but make awful tea, coffee being my drink of choice!

Back to the job in hand, then. Monday last week I finished painting the attic, cleaned it and shut the door. Then Deb took me out for lunch ( not this Deb, my other friend Deb), so sadly I didn't get much done in the afternoon. Too bad!  Monday evening I had to go to a Peer Review session with Anita. Well! We were celebrating her divorce for an hour beforehand.  As many of you know, half a glass of wine and I'm anybody's. Consequently we didn't get an awful lot out of the learning experience. Wine really is NOT recommended beforehand, especially when trying to impress others with your professionalism and subject knowledge. Least said soonest mended I feel.  But the attic looks great!

Tuesday was work, I believe. Then Wednesday I spent most of the day laying flat on my back in the bathroom with Chris the builder. Why? We were putting the shower tray in.  There has to be a simpler way. Still it's done now. So is all the tiling in there.  And the walls and ceilng have been painted. The lights have been fitted and Chris the plumber is coming tomorrow (7.30 groan) to finish off.  Then the bathroom is done! Hurrah!

What else? I've filled and sanded all the walls in the front bedroom, and given it its first coat of paint, so  tomorrow I'll top coat that. So we're moving on!  John demolished the back porch so that the new one can go up.  The plasterers have finished completely now, and the electrician has done most of the second fix.  So just the landings and downstairs now. And the garden and the painting outside. And I've to reconnect the water to the sheds.  The very bad cutting off type behaviour regarding next doors water also resulted in a loss of supply to our outside loo.  Teach me to be so rash!  Not much left to do then!

This week I don't seem to have achieved much. On Wednesday I did the Proud Mother bit, in that I went to Sheffield for Thoms' graduation. Lovely day, good lunch, long ceremony and .... I got to see Harry Styles in the flesh (so to speak).  I have to say I was a little underwhelmed, but my boy did good!

Today I've been ferrying Joe around. We've had to be back to the knee man.  Now Joe has to have an MRI scan to try to find out what is going on.  We also had a rather illuminating visit to a tattoo parlour. Thankfully it was very clean, man, and smelled of TCP, man. Why the chappie with rather large hoops in his ears, but no sign of a tattoo himself, felt the need to keep calling me 'man' I will never know. He didn't even look as if he came from the Caribbean and his accent was otherwise distinctly East Midlands, man.  Did I succumb to the lure of the tattoo? Well you'll just have to wonder! Joe is booked in for January.  The debate over the size and design continues. Anyone wishing to contribute with advice, please say your piece.

What else to tell you? The police have given up trying to find the tools that were stolen. They very kindly wrote to tell me. I also had a very poor experience at parents evening with Alf.  He now has a Saturday morning detention (at school) for his efforts (or lack thereof).

Have any of you seen the George Clarke programme on Channel 4?  Well I love it ! I have always had a 'thing' for tree houses, so would love to go to the tree hotel in Sweden (should anyone wish to offer to take me!). Or better still, anyone wanting to help me build a tree house, preferably near a lake, or loch or some sort of water so that it could hang impossibly out over the water and just be a fabulous fantastical place, let me know. Always up for an adventure!

Now don't forget, our programme goes out next Friday 22nd 11am Channel 4. I am VERY apprehensive now, having seen the others. I think ours will be really boring and we'll look completely stupid. I think they've shown clips of every other programme in the series apart from ours, so that must mean that ours is dreadful and that the transformation was less than impressive. Perhaps we need to congratulate them on their acting skills, in persuading us that we were any good. Perhaps a BAFTA is in the offing.  Still we shouldn't judge too soon. We must wait and see. This maybe the last you hear from me, my shame will be too great.

So that's all for today. I'm sure it's quite enough, if you've made it this far.  The song for the day? I think  'The Gambler' might be the best bet!  Hahhah!!

Over the hump ...

So here we are again, and it's not raining!  So our thought for the day, 'With a brave heart, anything is possible' and our song, well again you have a choice. Either 'I like the way you move' (Bodyrockers, or possibly Bodysnatchers, can't remember which) or 'Blurred lines' ( Robin Thicke and somebody else).  Take your pick, or even both.  I nearly picked Gary Barlow, 'Let me go', but I didn't like the sentiment even though I like the tune. In my experience whenever anyone says 'I know what's best for you' it's actually code for 'you're going to really dislike this, but it suits me just fine so bugger you'.  It's on  par with 'It's character building'. That's code for ' it's hideous, but it's going to happen anyway and the less you moan the sooner it will be over'. Shall we carry on now?

So  we've entered the not very exciting phase of the build, which involves copious quantities of paint. I've painted the attic, no mean feat I might add.  Deb and I had to do it in relay, and involve several Heath Robinson type contraptions to reach the highest, most inaccessible places. Along with daring acrobatic moves and general inventiveness. And I'm sure that you're all au fait with our total disregard for Elivin Safety by now.  Still it looks great now the top coat in on.  One room down!

Thomas (can I remind you all that I WAS a child bride) came home for half term, so was quickly pressed into action.  He has first-coated two ceilings and most of the walls of the front bedroom.   It turns out that there are two distinct methods of painting.  Slow and clean, versus quick and dirty.  No prizes for guessing which is who's preferred method!!

Yes, I have lost even more weight, but at least my hair has grown back after the last little incident with the Very Big Scissors.  Seemingly it's not a good idea to cut your own hair whilst leaning your head to one side.  It tends to end up a bit lopsided. I did try to pass it off as a trendy style, but nobody believed me.   Still it's nearly down to my waist now, so I will have to address it again soon.  No I don't dye it, and yes I do know that it's very passée to have long hair beyond a certain age.  Do I care? No, not at all.  Yes, that is, indeed, a bath in the kitchen. Just the place you'd expect to find one. It's a new trend. It beats the whole loo-in-the-bedroom-with-no-door-but-very-large-extractor-fan trend hands down, don't you think?!  It refuses to leave the building until the porch has been demolished.  That's next weeks job.

The bathroom walls and ceiling have also been painted, and Chris has laid the floor tiles. Fab, eh?  John is working on the last window, so we are getting there. it's just not wildly exciting just now.

I have to say that the kitchen has/is causing me some degree of angst. How to arrange it, what style, what colour? As many of you know, my mantra is 'if in doubt paint it black'. Deb's not overly keen on that.  I also suggested it for the new bath. That was frowned on as well. We shall see.

On the subject of painting, Joe (child bride remember) has decided he wants a tattoo.  I have tried all the usual discouraging tactics.  It'll be painful.  It'll fade. It may look great now, but can you imagine what it will look like on an old, wrinkly man standing in his saggy underpants?  All to no avail.  Apparently pain isn't an issue.  This is the child that had the car accident, who said he never wanted to feel pain again, and that the IV drip had put him off needles for life.  Is it a small tattoo, I hear you ask?  This is what he has chosen

I'm not sure small is the operative word.  What do you think?  As there is only one man I know with a tattoo, and he is currently in Communicado, there is no one I can ask with this sort of experience to discuss it with Joe.  Comunicado, for those of you unfamiliar with it, is a small island off the coast of South America, not far from the Virgin Islands.  I am reliably informed that there are no virgins left there. There is also no mobile signal either, seemingly.  In some ways I can see the attraction of a tattoo. Not one as big as this though. For example, I would much prefer to get a tattoo than get married again.  But each to their own.  I shall remind Joe of the pain issue just after the tattooist has started! I just hope it doesn't say something like 'this is all that's holding my leg on' in maori! Or, 'it's the other one that's real, this is my spare'. Let's hope they don't misspell whatever it does say!

I have actually had to go into work this week, if only to prove that I can do a proper job.  A myth that was dispelled seconds after my first patient took a seat.  If you have a nervous disposition, or were shocked in anyway by last weeks' revelations about my underwear, then you need to turn away now.  I suggest going to lie down in a darkened room. It will all be over soon.

The lady seemed perfectly nice. Quite intelligent. Unassuming. Nothing to mark her out.  Then she informed me that she had a genital cataract. I was a little taken aback. I am only a mere optician. That isn't my area of speciality (I'm not actually sure I've got one).  After I had recovered myself, and checked my hearing, I had the overwhelming desire to laugh.  I don't know how I got through the test.  I was almost crying when it was over.  I even had to reassure her that it wasn't catching, and that she couldn't pass it on to her husband, but could possibly to her children. That caused much angst and gnashing of teeth.  For those of you who are quite alarmed and confused at this point, but unsurprised by my unsympathetic response, I should perhaps say that I'm fairly confident that she actually meant CONgenital cataract. Which is something else entirely. I do actually know something about them.  I think I’ve got the full collection now for the ‘Daft Things to Say at the Opticians’ list.  This one tops the list though, along with  ‘Take a seat/ Where should I take it?’; ‘Oooh, the big black chair? Is it an electric chair?’ (sadly not) ; ‘I’ve got a stigma’(is that to go with the chip on your shoulder?) and ‘My stigmata make it difficult to get on with new glasses’ (let me get you a tissue for that).  I'm not sure that I'm cut out to be an optician.  Luckily I have several other fallback plans.

Still back to the tale, for those of you in the darkened room, you can come out now.

I'm not actually sure that I am a planner. More of a plotter I feel.  I know where I want to get to, and just assume that the minor details will fall into place along the way.  That way you're never disappointed that any plans you may have made have gone awry.  I spoke to Mat this week, you know from the telly.  Apparently  the thing that made Susie and I 'good value', in TV terms, is that we didn't have a plan. Or certainly there was no evidence of one.  I am a little unsure what 'good value' in this context actually means, but it is a bit late to worry about it as the transmission date is 22nd November, 11am Channel 4. Beat my Build.  I'm not sure that 'looking forward' to it is the exact phrase I would use at this moment in time.  Teach me to be so gung-ho, to look before I leap etc, and all those other boring old truisms that are really code for sit on your backside and don't do anything.  To ask me to stop thinking and dreaming and plotting is like asking the rain to stop falling out of the sky ( and I have asked this week).  It's what makes me, me. So lump it or like it, I am the proverbial bad penny, but at least I always have a tale to tell!

Until next time! Do you have your next adventure lurking somewhere?!!  I rather fancy Salsa dancing, or possibly rock climbing. Any one up for it?

Once More Into the Fray Dear Friends!

Yes, I know I've been unusually quiet for the past week or so, but I've been hoping for exciting news.  So, our thought for the day is 'pressure and stress are what you feel when you don't know what the hell you're doing' and our song or songs for the day are 'Roar' Katy Perry, and 'Tubthumping' Chumbawamba. I thought I'd treat myself to two today, but they both have similar themes!

So what's been happening since I last wrote? Well, we were all very fed up after the burglary.  Phil, the plastered was more upset about losing his DAB site radio than his drills, so in the spirit of consolation Deb and I bought him a new one.  He couldn't believe it!  His little face was a picture to behold. His wife wasn't so impressed, mind!  We're also going to help John replace some of his stuff as well.

Most of the plastering has been completed now. With the exception of the back hall, where the on going saga of the shared water supply is threatening to cause some very bad cutting off type behaviour from me.  I am trying to resist but, as many of you know, my resistance to bad behaviour, together with  resolve to be sensible, is very low this year.  In fact it has slipped so many times this year that is now almost acceptable behaviour!

The rain stopped play on our adventure play equipment for most of the week, but the impressive hole in the roof has been fixed, as you can see, and I've painted the guttering and first and second floor windows on the outside.  John has done a fantastic job of restoring them.  He's even managed to preserve some of the lovely original glass. All of the stained glass windows are still in tact, you'll be pleased to hear!

Don't you think the view from the attic is lovely? You can see right out to the Beacon. Fabulous!

I think Deb and I have hit that 'mid-project depression' stage.  You know the one, it looks worse now than before we started, and the end seems along way off.  To be fair, we've both had quite a lot of other stuff thrown at us aside from this.

I have now successfully knackered three cars this year. The Izusu - it's brain died so it had to be scrapped, the white van - one attempted write off, second spectacular, complete and utter write off, and now the Alpha. You know the one, it's red and makes me drive too fast, so I have accumulated more speeding points than I've ever had!  So what have I done to this lovely car? I merely took it to the garage and filled it with unleaded, as you do. It said unleaded on the pump.  It said unleaded on the receipt. Sadly nobody had told the tanker driver that's what it said. He filled the pump with diesel.  Did you know that petrol engines don't run terribly well on diesel?   What a saga.  Hopefully it will be back to normal soon! Murco are footing the bill.  Thank God for the Land Rover, with it's new low-profile tyres (?!) it's even safe to drive in the wet! If a little damp!

Deb and I have had some very good ebay purchases, and we found a beautiful cast iron fireplace by the side of the road (as you do!), so that will do nicely for the bedroom.  We did put 30 quid through the letter box of the house nearest the fireplace - just so as you're all clear that Deb and I haven't turned into tinkers!  We are struggling a bit with the style we want for the kitchen, but today I marked it all out on the wall and floor so I think we've sorted it now.  Just got to buy one!

I find the rain particularly difficult at this time of the year, together with the dark mornings, so to cheer myself up I've indulged in some retail therapy.  Yes my guilty pleasure (or should that be secret?).  It lies beneath these very attractive work clothes and sturdy boots. Lurking. Ready to surprise the unsuspecting. What is it you cry? That's right, really lovely underwear!  I wasn't sure at first about this particular purchase, it is really rather red.  But is does have both sufficient crane-age and scaffolding to meet my requirements and preferences. The knickery type things are a wonder to behold! As tights are not my thing (aren't you glad I told you that?!), every time I wear stockings I have to go through the whole 'suspender under the knickers' (for speedy exit) versus 'suspender over the knickers' (for the dying for the loo challenge) conundrum. But these knickers combine the two! Knicenders? Suspickers? The suspendery type bit is attached to the knicker itself, so no dilemma. Marvellous! I have yet to see if the result is similar to the 'tight slippage and migration' problem known to all us girls.  Could be very unpleasant for all concerned. However, both bits also go rather well with some other very patriotic underwear that I have in my possession, so I can mix and match!  All rather splendid I thought!  But enough of that, don't want to give any of you palpitations.

I also thought I deserved a day off from all the hard labour (???!!). So Alf and I booked into the Snowdome for an intensive (and very expensive) 'Learn to Snowboard in Day' thing.  I wouldn't say I was a natural snowboarder.  I don't think the instructors would say that either.  I can go forwards down a slope. Going backwards (why?) makes me crash into a wall, gracefully, you understand, and I feel that turning is strictly unnecessary!  Having spent 8 hours (8 hours? I ask you!) attempting this feat, I was told that I'd only reached level 2. That's one above the lesson that starts 'This is a snowboard, you stand on it and slide'.  I rather feel that Apres Ski is more my thing!  Alf was quite good though.  We were both absolutely exhausted by the time we'd finished. Standing and walking have been a bit of a challenge ever since!

Anyway, look, back to the house! Stop distracting me with irrelevant detail and tales of other things!  Today we started painting inside, ceilings and walls. We've chosen the paint colours. No prizes for guessing. Gauze. Sense of deja vu anyone?  For those pedants amongst you, yes the plaster is dry. We have a excellent heating system.  Have you heard the joke about the pedant who was on trial in court? He got off on a technicality!!  HaHa! Just thought I'd throw that in. We've bought the tiles for the bathroom.  Chris will be back next week to lay them.  Hopefully I'll get a kitchen tonight.

Other news (can there be any more?), contain yourselves now!  Beat My Build is due to start airing on 4th Nov, 11 am Channel 4.  Has anyone from Lion TV or Channel 4 told me that? No. Communication is possibly not really their thing, but twitter is quite reliable.  That and the TV listings.  Possibly they've also joined the 'Let's not communicate with Sue' club. It's a small (possibly only two members so far, that I'm aware of), but rapidly expanding club. Let me know if you wish to join. I'm excellent at inadvertent enragement, it's a skill I'm very proud of. Or mild to general irritation.  I can also do direct pissing off if I try hard enough. You have to choose one as your initiation to join.  Those of you who are already members, which would you say I'm best at?  For others considering joining, let me know which you'd prefer!  I am also aware that sarcasm is the lowest form of wit. It is the highest form of intelligence though.  And that is the correct rejoinder.

Any way, at least the sun has temporarily come out.  We are beginging to see the light at the end of the tunnel. My mojo is returning. It's on it's way, it told me so.  Until the next time, keep smiling!!

P.S Thanks to all of you for reading this, does anyone know why some one in Ukraine might be looking at this? Let me know what you think of it. Constructive feedback is always useful!

The Long March Continues ...

Well what a week its been!  But before we get to that, our thought for the day is ' You cease to be concerned by what people think of  you once you realise how little they actually think', and our song for the day? 'Hold on (for one more day)' Wilson Phillips.  You'll see why in a minute!

The week started quite well, lovely and sunny despite the weathermens' forecast.  I arrived to find that the troublesome holly tree had been partially 'addressed' by John, our carpenter and part-time daredevil.

Over the weekend he had single handedly taken down enough of the bush  to allow the reluctant scaffolders to put up the rest of the scaffold, so they were duly called. They deigned to come on Thursday. I should perhaps add that John is 63!

The garden, sadly, has been rather comprehensively destroyed, and is now full of debris.  The reason we haven't been very diligent about taking stuff down to the tip is because the land rover has required a new propshaft, amongst one or to other minor details.  But it's back on the road now and we will soon be clearing the rubble etc.

The electrician also arrived to wire the central heating in so we can now start to dry the house out in readiness for the plasterers. He also helped me put a hole through the chimney in the kitchen for the extractor fan. We were hoping to just drill into the stack and to let it vent up the chimney itself.  However, chimneys are never straight forward, and we managed to drill into one of the three flues which had been capped and very kindly filled with rubble. Yes, we've cleared it all now and have a lovely vent all they way through the wall to the outside world. I was very grubby by the end of it all, and there was yet more rubble in the garden!

The right sort of electricity man turned up and changed the main fuse.  Sadly he wasn't really the right sort of man for either Deb or I.

The plasterers arrived on Wednesday as promised, and started boarding out.  They are over boarding in the new bathroom where we've take a wall down, and to hide all the pipe work.  Due to the arrangement of the bathroom and the fact that we have concrete floors throughout the house (commonly called pub floors I believe - see got all the lingo now!), the waste pipe from the sink has to go about half way round the room. So I thought it would be a jolly good idea to put part of said pipe at a angle to increase the flow.  I also thought it'd be a good idea to put this pipe in the partition wall where it would be hidden once the overboarding was done.  I removed enough of the old lath and plaster so that I could see what I was doing.  Ah-ha! I thought I need a 40mm drill bit now to drill though one of the uprights.  I asked the gentlemen on site if they might have one I could borrow for a few minutes.  Big mistake.  The job was deemed too complex for me. I was dispatched to screwfix for essential supplies. I had a list.  Lots of measuring, deep breaths and general uming and ahing went on whilst I was gone.  No actual action though, you understand. It was far to soon for that. I arrived back with supplies, to find that a great deal of looking and measuring had been done, no actual drilling.  I wasn't allowed to contribute. I had to make tea.  That's what was needed. Eventually the drill was brought out, the parts required assembled, and tentative advances made.  This is the result

Can you see it? The grey bit of pipe with two angle pieces - not 90 degree angle pieces you understand, they had to be 92.5 degree pieces, and two brackets. They were the complicated bit that I wasn't able to deal with.   4 hours that took. 4 whole hours. Several people nearly died.  Patience, I believe, is a minor form of despair dressed up as a virtue.

To add insult to injury, there was no sign of the scaffolders.  Unless you can count a drive by, no stopping of course, because the tree surgeon who had arrived to redress the holly bush, was in the way.  I had to go home. It was all too much for me. I needed a lie down,  Sadly I had to go to an illuminating meeting on Dyslexia and Binocular function, followed by a lecture on Paediatric Neurophthalmology.  Just what a girl needs on a Thursday night!  Still at least Anita was there, so we didn't learn a lot!

On Friday the scaffolders appeared, in fact they got to the house before I did.  Unfortunately they decided that we were also fixing next doors roof, and so put scaffold up all across the front of the house. When I got there, I asked them why they had done that, only to be met with a torrent of abuse.  I'm afraid to say that my diplomacy skills deserted me at this point.  The boss was called, who tried to blame me for the lack of clear communication.  Shall we say that by the time he left he had a very full and clear idea of what communication is.  The scaffold is now in the right place, all be it without any ladders.  It's been raining every since so we've not had full use of it yet as an adventure playground.  Friday continued in the same vein all day. I was a very tired and grumpy girl by the time I when home. So was Deb.  Not much else could be sent to try us this week could it?

Oh yes it could!  We were burgled on Friday night.  All the plasterers and carpenters drills were taken.  The bars were wrenched off the cellar window (according to the policeman, that wasn't sufficient security).  A whole day spent loitering about, policemen and SOCO came and went. They explained what MO meant, in case we'd missed that episode of NCIS. But all to no avail, apparently there's no prospect of getting any of the kit back.  Were any of them insured? No. Looks like Deb and I will be footing that bill.

We were both very disheartened by Saturday evening. Tired and Weary.

So, I'm very sorry to confess girls, but at this point I could do with the attentions of a Pictish warrior, even if he does turn up on his mates knock-kneed Shetland pony and hasn't recovered his powers of communication!

But tomorrow is another week!  It may have stopped raining! and I will be back in sparkling form!

Best Foot Forward!

So what a lovely day I've had today! Beautiful warm sunshine, good music - can't tell you how much I love my ipod, bit of a random (I prefer eclectic!) selection of music but it keeps my happy (if not out of trouble!), and nobody to bother me. I've spent the day up the scaffold.  Before we begin today's diatribe our song for the day is 'Black Sheep' Gin Wigmore, and our thought for the day 'A goal is a dream with a deadline'. Off we go then!

Yes that's me, what a sight!  The scaffold and the roofer were supposed to arrive around the 16th Sept.  However, on the 13th, yes the same day as I discovered there were at least two more of the wrong type of man in the world, the roofer texted me to say that the scaffolder was unable to put all of the scaffolding up. Why? I hear you cry! Because he couldn't get his poles through the giant holly bush, silly!  At first I wasn't sure if that was some sort of euphemism, but if you'd met the roofer you'd know that he'd be unable to even spell it.  He is a good roofer, she hastened to add whilst extracting her self hurriedly from the hole she'd just fallen into.

Anyway, when the scaffolder came to price the job, he'd failed to notice our enormous bush (now, now, behave!) and hadn't alerted us to the need to trim it to make way for the poles. Perhaps he needs his eyes testing, does anyone know an optician??!!  Ah-ha! you cry! The saga with the council, the permit and the tree surgeon!  Yes that's the one.  As we didn't have the permit at that point,we had to settle for just having scaffolding round the back and along some of the side.  Anyway, after a great deal of huffing and puffing the scaffold was erected, but with only one lift. At gutter height. With no obvious means of access.  The scaffolder was called. The roofer was called. 5 days later a second lift miraculously appeared. Still no obvious means of access, but because we are both agile enough and have superb climbing skills, combined with no fear of heights and a complete disregard for Elfin Safety, both Deb and I are able to access both levels.

So the roofer has repaired the back of the roof, repointed the chimneys and mended the impressive hole.  Simultaneously, Deb and I have painted the windows on the back of the house, the guttering and the down pipes.

Chris, the builder has put the helibars in to repair the cracks and has repointed most of the walls. So things are moving on!  The attic window has been repaired and put back in. John and Denis have done a fantastic job.  The front window should be back with us tomorrow.

Sadly, around this time I was not at my best.  That's what looming life events do to you.  It was my birthday.  Something I've been struggling with for a while. I've been convinced that I've lost all of the limited mathematical ability that I may, or may not have ever had.  I just don't seem to be able to do take-away any more.  I just keep getting the wrong answer.  Poor Lynne asked me for coffee the day before the big event, and I spent the whole time in tears. That was after I'd spent all morning in tears with Deb.  Its such a trauma to loose your mathematical ability!  Then Deb gave me a card that explained it all.  I'm 18 in reality, I just have a lot of years of experience to go with it!  Problem solved, life goes on. My friend Charles says that I should now be able to take a more nuanced approach to age and life.  I'll give it a go, but subtlety never was my strong point. Same as Patience isn't my middle name. Tact and discretion have little place either. But there we go.

Anyway, back to the house.  Let me see, so I've told you it's a two-up-two-down, that it needs everything doing, we're cracking on etc,etc. What else? Oh yes, Deb has made some fantastic purchases on ebay.  Complete shower enclosure, brand new £100. Roll-top bath £16.14.  We're hoping for a fabulous maple kitchen tonight.  We've yet to track down a sink, but we'll find one.

Sadly we're still waiting for the right type of man!

First foray in to the unknown!

So now there is no turning back! We have to see this though to the end, it'll be great, a really fun ride, nothing that cannot be overcome!  My theme tune for the day? 'Life is for Living' Barclay James Harvest. Thought for the day? 'Reality without imagination is only half of reality'. Are we all set now? Ready for the next instalment?

So I've not really said much about the house itself, although it is probably fairly self explanatory.  Its a Victorian semi, within the conservation area, close to the endowed schools and town centre.  That said, it is a very quiet, leafy area.  Some of the original features of the house remain, namely the windows, deep skirtings, doors etc.   Many have sadly been lost and replaced with  items of little, or no, architectural merit and are a crime against both taste and decency.  Most notable in this category is the fireplace in the lounge.

Lovely isn't it?  Chris (the builder) helped me to 'loosen' this, and between us we managed to remove the hearth, so that it could reside in the garden until such time as I break it up and take it to the tip.  The main body of this had to rest gently against the wall until  a huddle (is that the correct collective noun?) of plumbers (4 of them) was available to wrestle it into the garden to be reunited with the hearth. There it remains in repose. Should anyone wish to remove it, you're very welcome!

As we are in a conservation area, I thought the best approach was to speak to the conservation officer at the council before we did anything, to find out exactly what we were and weren't allowed to do.  I have to say that they have been very helpful, and as it turns out, we are allowed to do pretty much anything without planning permission.  That is except remove, or even trim the very large holly bush in the garden (just look at the photo in the previous post!).  So, I have spoken to several different men, filled in a form, been visited by the tree preservation man, and the forestry man, spoken to another lady, received several emails and phone messages and witnessed a great deal of angst about this bush.  Nonetheless, we have eventually received permission to trim it and thus avoid the £20,000 (???!!!) fine should we have felt the need to cut off one single twig without said permission.  We now await the tree surgeon with baited breath.

Deb and I have stripped the house from top to bottom, and been frequent visitors to the local tip. The lads there know us quite well now, but they are great about helping us to unload and telling where to put everything.

The house has massively high ceilings, and as both Deb and I are slightly vertically challenged, some rather tall ladders are required. Luckily neither of us are bothered by heights. It's the falling we're not so keen on!
We had a real debate about whether to replace the windows with UPVC or to get the originals restored. The cost of UPVC is unbelievable!  Well in fairness, the most basic ones are not too bad, but they look awful. The ones that look decent are prohibitively expensive. So we're restoring.  The house is now looking worse than it did when we bought it, as it's now boarded up!  So the beautiful stained glass windows are staying, and it's my job to try to rescue them.. The sashes have all gone off to Johns' workshop for Denis to work his magic and hopefully they should be back with us soon.

We were advised by an electrician (not the one we are using) who came round to give us a quote, that we 'absolutely must get an isolation switch put in' before any work could be done. I thought this was some bit of new Elfin Safety legislation that had to be complied with.   So upon completion I arranged for British Gas to come and do this. £43 it cost. They were due on 13th Sept. A Friday. Very brave man I thought, messing about with electricity on that particular day. Let's hope he's got his rubber boots on. Well rubber everything really. So I duly waited. And waited. Did he show up? You guessed it. NO!  So I have now been compensated £22 for the inconvenience, and a very large man turned up on 25th Sept.  I have now repaired the cellar floor, which buckled under the weight.

 Anyway, having managed to fit the isolation switch he the decided that some other bit of the supply needed replacing. But he couldn't do it as he was the wrong sort of man.  In more ways than one I thought!  The right sort of man was called ( I wasn't convinced!), and lo and behold! he arrived two hours later. But he wasn't the right sort of man either (told you!), as the mains fuse was what really needed replacing. The right sort of man hasn't arrived yet.  We'll not hold our breath will we girls?  The best of it is that the electrician (Darren) who has already completed first fix electrics, said that we didn't actually need the isolation switch.  How many times have we been told not to believe everything a man tells us? Still, we fall for it every time don't we?!

I have discovered plumbing skills that I didn't know that I had. I'm great at removing things, and am a dab hand with some grips, a wrench and a compression fitting (even the plumber was impressed!). So I removed the bathroom (such as it was) and the water heater thing all by myself, so proud!

 I had to get the roofer and the electrician to bring the bath down stairs though. I think I'd have broken my nails if I'd have tried it myself! The scrap yard is an experience I'm saving for another day!  The central heating system is in now, it took 3 plumbers and an apprentice half a day to put it in and do all the first fix for the new bathroom, kitchen and out house.  Quite impressive I thought, especially as a different plumber told me that it would take a good 10 days just to do the heating!  We did have to start at 7am though. Those of you who know me will be crying with laughter at this point!  I am not known for being particularly joyful or eloquent first thing. In fact I can barely do speech until I have had at least three cups of very strong black coffee and enough time and space to come to terms with the world.  Luckily the plumbers do know me reasonably well, so took pity on me, bought me a bacon roll and sent me to sit quietly in the garden with my coffee until I was able to be civil!  That was about 10.30, by which time they'd just about finished!

So where are we up to? The house is stripped, the windows are under way, the electrics are done, the plumbing is done.  Well almost. Another little foible of the house is that our mains water supply also feeds next door. So every time we turn the water off in our house, the water goes off next door. Joy! I have been trying to contact the next door neighbour since we completed to get it sorted out. Obviously, as a university lecturer she's far too busy to be concerned with such trivialities, even though I have said that we need to move her mains pipe from our back hall so that the plasterers can make good.  The plasterers start next week. Do you think it might suddenly become a little more important when the water is cut off?!!  We shall see!!

So enough of my rambling for now! I will continue soon!

In the beginning!

So here we are! August 30th 2013 and Deb and I have just collected the keys to our first project together. We are now the proud owners of 8A Park Street, the worst house on one of the best roads in the area.

 As you can see from the photos, the house is in need of some TLC - that could be the understatement of the year!  Neither of us are builders (can you tell?!) but are up for the challenge and have loads of enthusiasm.

It has been no mean feat to actually buy this house, as the agents seemed very reluctant to sell it - mistakenly I thought that was part of their remit! I first saw this house in March, but it was far to expensive to make the renovation worthwhile, so we left it. Then in May it came back on to the market at a reduced price so I had another look and thought that it could be a goer.  So I asked the roofer to come round and have a look at the hole in the roof (quite an impressive hole don't you think!).

He could only come first thing in the morning, so I rang the agents to arrange access.  At this point the agent reliably informed me that they didn't do viewings in the mornings, and that even if I were the queen there would be no exception to this rule, and that they were not prepared to work round a builder.  Indeed, if the builder wanted the work he should be prepared to visit at the convenience of the agent!  I was a tiny bit taken aback by this, especially in view of the fact that the house is about a 2 minute walk from the agents' office, we were cash buyers with no chain and we wanted to complete in three weeks!  But this counts for nothing!  So we walked away.

Anyway, to cut a long story short, in July I was waiting in the queue for the London Eye with two French girls and my youngest son (I was a child bride!) on the hottest day of the year, but that's a tale for another day, when I got a call from the very posh lady in the agents' office. She wondered if I would still be interested in this house if the price was reduced as they had just had another offer fall through. I felt the need to be slightly off-hand and not very helpful at this point, and told her I would think about it and get back in touch if we were.  So Deb went to have a look, we made an offer way below the asking price and said it was conditional on us completing in 3 weeks.  A month later we finally completed, but only after the agents had mixed us up with some other buyers and sent the wrong solicitors details to the vendors solicitors. But hey ho! Here we are complete at last!

Yes, sorry about the photo! The legs fell off my jeans after the last project which I finished in January, the land Rover is a Series 3 for those of you who are interested, ex-MOD, 30 years old, and I can barely get in unaided as I'm only 5ft tall!  It has a five mile turning circle, top speed of 50 on the flat with the wind behind you and stopping distance of about 2 miles! But it's the most fun one girl could possibly have whilst driving!

Anyway, back to the house. So what does it need doing to it? Not much really! Roof repair, obviously. Then there's the cracks in the front wall, the windows, the electrics, the plumbing, the heating, the bathroom and the kitchen. A bit of decoration, the garden and I think that's about it. Time scale? Finish before Christmas, put it back on the market in the New Year.  Do I hear you gentlemen scoffing?  Perhaps I should confess that I have done something like this before.  Last year another friend and I bought a similar house not far from here, and renovated it whilst taking part in a new Channel 4 programme called 'Beat My Build', which is due to air at the end of October. The premise is that two renovators compete to increase the value of the house by the most.  Did we win? You'll have to watch the programme to find out!  But we did complete the project in 3 months, so it can be done!

Anyway, enough for today, I shall be back soon with the next instalment of our fantastic girls adventure!